I have been looking forward to this week’s guest, as he has a great sense of humour. It’s Stephen Ainley, the writer of the hilarious novel The Dennis Bisskit Adventures.
1. Name ten living authors, you would invite for Sunday lunch and why them?
Wow, ten authors. That’s a lot of stress in the room. Still I will give it a go.
1st.. Lee Childs. I am a huge fan of the Jack Reacher books. Mind you I wouldn’t especially talk about his books. I’d just want to ask him, why on earth he allowed 2′ 6” tall, Tom Cruise, to play, 6’6” tall Jack Reacher in the movies?
2nd..Thomas Harris. There have been lots of books written about weirdo serial killers, over the years. But no one as done the genre better than Thomas Harris did with, Red Dragon, and Silence of the Lambs. I thought his next two books drifted a bit, but obviously I wouldn’t tell him that, because my mom always said, “if you haven’t got something nice to say about someone, don’t say anything.”
3rd… Andy McNab. Being an ex-soldier, I love books written by ex-soldiers. Andy’s books, like Lee Childs books, are easy to read. And that’s a compliment. If I haven’t read a book in a few days, I usually end up not finishing it.
4th and 5th Some heavy subjects by my first three authors, so next to lighten the mood. Two of my favourite funny people, Karl Pilkington, and Ricky Gervais. Both published authors. It would be great to get them back together again. Haven’t got room for Stephen Merchant, so perhaps he could be hired to serve the drinks.
6th, 7th, 8th, 9th, and 10th I might feel a little intimidated by the presence of all these superstars. So, my final five authors are not quite so well known, but it’s just a matter of time.
George Roberts (From 10 Down to 3)
Rob Osborne (Anything is Possible)
And thankfully, because I’ve just realized that my authors, so far are all men. Three lovely, and talented ladies.
Cheryl Butler (A Proclivity to Prurience)
Donna Siggers (Broken)
L.J Kane (Snatch Girl)
Okay. Let the party commence…
2) What would you cook and why.
I don’t do a bad pasta, but I’ve never cooked for 10 people before. So, it’s ordered in pizzas. Everyone loves some sort of pizza, and there’s no washing up. Everyone’s a winner.
Lee, strikes me has a whiskey man. He’d probably still be sulking from my Tom Cruise, rebuke. So better make it a bottle of the good stuff.
Thomas, not sure about, but I seem to remember from his movie, he enjoys a nice chianti with his liver and fava beans.
*Note to self. Remember to order Thomas, a liver and fava bean pizza.
I should imagine, George, Andy, Rob, Karl, and Ricky, are beer men, so a couple of kegs should suffice.
The sophisticated ladies apparently like a G&T. So, a couple of kegs of G&T as well.
Personally, I like an icy cold Tasmanian lager. So, a carton of James Boag Premium, and can you keep it in the fridge please.
4) What games would you play
Well, we could play games, but why ruin the art of conversation.
Rob could try and cheer Lee up, because he’s still upset by my Tom Cruise remark.
I’d have a quick reminisce with Andy, about his days long ago in the British Airborne, before he joined the SAS.
And then I’d just sit with, George (whose also fan) and listen to Ricky and Karl, chat about their radio days together. I would secretly record it, and later make a fortune on eBay.
Meanwhile the ladies would have a pleasant chat to Thomas, about the most gruesome ways of murdering people.
Sounds like a fun lunch, which would very likely carry on into the evening.
Thanks for the invite, Anna-Lisa!
Stephen Ainley was born in Birmingham U.K. in 1952. He served in the British Airborne in the 1970s before emigrating to Australia. He has written short stories and articles for many years but this is his first novel. He resides in Western Australia with wife Jane and Irish terrier O’Malley.
By Stephen Ainley
THE HILARIOUS STORY OF A YOUNG BOY’S GROWING UP YEARS
Meet Dennis Bisskit, short; ginger-haired; kind-hearted; game for anything. Born in 1945 on the day the war ended; it should have been a good omen.
Instead it’s been one disaster after another. Luckily fate normally steps in to save the day.
Gasp at the great holiday camp knobbly-knees scandal of 1955!
Be amazed as Dennis attempts to win back the world mile record for queen and country!
Discover Fosdyke’s department store and the all-powerful Mrs Ricketts!
Shed a tear as Dennis visits the battlefields of France with his granddad.
And meet the memorable Colour Sergeant Plunkett who teaches Dennis everything he needs to know about the army and finally makes a young man of him.
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